Looking For Legolas
by I Love Muskrats
Summary: Calenith doesn't want anything to do with four hobbits, two men, one wizard and especially one dwarf. But when she calls up friends from Earth, just hoping they can get along with her "friends" here, it doesn't work out as planned. When Legolas suddenly goes missing, she calls upon a few of her elf friends to go on a quest to find him. Will they ever be able find him? OCs included
1. Camping and Fairy Wands

Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, The Lord of the Rings doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the all-powerful J.R.R. Tolkien. All bow to his awesome writing skills. Besides that, I own nothing but my OCs. Don't steal them, THEY AREN'T YOURS.

AN: This story is complete and utter OOC, Even my OCs are OOC. If you do not like reading things that make fun of the amazing LOTR characters, or perhaps you don't like stories with OCs, or maybe you hate comedy, or life, I suggest you do not read this. If you flame me BECAUSE you don't like OOC this is what will go down:

Reader: Why are they so OOC? I mean like, that's soo wrong. I hate this. I hate you. I hate life.

Me: I warned you. Don't blame me for what you didn't see in the summary or author's note. Next time you should read those.

Reader: but it's too much to reeeaaad!

Me: If I take the time to write it you can take the time to read it.

Reader: but-

Me: Don't blame me for your problems

Without any more of my nagging or delays, on with the story and enjoy!

It all started one dreary spring afternoon. I was sitting on a log next to the group of people who Legolas made me go on a "camping trip" with. I didn't want anything to do with four hobbits, two men, one wizard and _especially _not one _dwarf_. The only thing I had to look forward on this trip was that Legolas said he would be coming. Surprisingly, he didn't come. So I'm stuck here with _five_ hobbits because they decided to bring a girl with them, two men, one wizard and that _dwarf_.

Lucky for me, I recently discovered a place called Earth, not Middle-Earth, but Earth. So I did my share of exploring and met some…interesting…people along the way. They gave me this cool new thing called a cellphone in case I wanted to get in touch with them and "hang out by the barricades". I asked them what that meant and they told me it was literal. So I told them they were welcome to stay at my place if they wanted because I would rather not "hang out by the barricades".

Now I'm being bombarded by the _worst_ questions imaginable, asked by the most _insufferable_ people, in the _least desirable_ place in this god-forsaken forest in the middle of Middle-Earth. I politely excuse myself to the trees while I pull out my cellphone and dial the only number on there.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end greets.

"Hello, is this Enjolras?" I asked.

"Yes, Calenith?" he replies.

"Yes! Would you like to come for a visit?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yeah sure, I'll just invite the entire main cast of Les Miserables and meet you there" he says nonchalantly.

"How in all of Arda do you know where I am?" I ask.

All I hear is the beeping of the disconnection between our phones. _Did he hang up on me? _Not cool.

I gracefully leap off the branch I was perched in and land silently on the grassy ground. I walk back to the group and am barely able to sit on the log-bench when that_ DWARF_ asks the most stupid question I have ever heard in my entire life.

"Are you a shape-shifter?" Gimli asks with wide sparkling eyes.

"Does Sauron drink eye drops?" I snort at him.

And with that snort a burst of glitter and sunshine splashes in my face and I see the hairy feet of the hobbits running over to me.

"Why am I lying on the ground? And why can't I get back up? WHY DON'T I HAVE TOES?!" I scream in panic.

"Because you're a pig!" Pippin shouts.

"That was uncalled for!" I squealed at him.

"I'm being serious!" he cried out.

"WHAT?!" I holler and scream curses in elvish.

I start running in circles on my short little pig legs and trip over a root I usually would've just stepped over but at the moment it was larger than I was used to. I roll around on the ground and finally stop when I hear snickers from off to the side. I look over to where I heard it and see Gandalf holding a sparkly fairy wand and giggling uncontrollably.

"What have you done to me?! Why is this funny?! Since when have you used a wand?" I questioned frantically.

"It doesn't bother you that he's wearing a bikini?" Frodo pondered.

"Oh it's the vilest thing anyone has seen in ages and it disturbs me greatly but that's not the point! Change me back!" I say.

Gandalf just has another giggling fit and runs into the forest. I sigh and tell the hobbits to run after them. I look to my side and see the girl hobbit never followed my request.

"What are you waiting for?" I say.

"For them to come back" she says in an innocent voice.

"Fine" I huff, sit back on my hind legs and cross my little pig legs over my chest.

She starts to hum and rock back and forth on her heels. I get a sly grin on my pink face and get up and walk around her on all fours pretending to be examining her. I narrow my eyes and continue walking. I nod every now and then and make little _tsk_ noises.

"What are you looking at?" she asks quizzically.

I arch a nonexistent eyebrow at her and stop walking.

"Oh nothing" I reply and add a tad quieter, "But you have a crush on the scarf hobbit don't you?"

"Excuse me? He has a name. It's Pippin and he's AMAZING." She states matter-of-factly.

I laugh at her and she face palms when she realizes she just proved my accusation.

We both turn towards the trees when we hear the sound of pure destruction coming forth to rain down upon us all. The hobbits tear through the foliage dragging a dazed bikini wizard behind them and waving a very familiar looking fairy wand above their heads. When they finally reach where we're standing, Merry takes the wand, twirls around on his tiptoes, bats his eyes and puts on a large smile, taps the wand on top of my head and says in a high pitched girl voice, "I hereby say that you shall be changed back to Princess Calenith, daughter of Thranduil and no longer the ugly smelly pig-girl!"

"Hey!" I say in an offended tone before I get splashed with more glitter and sunshine. I cross my arms over my chest and pout. I finally can't stand not knowing the question floating around in my head.

"How did you guys do it?" I asked.

"We threw Aragorn's cooking at him." they said blatantly.

I look at them weirdly.

"Rocks with a side of rocks and rocks to wash it down" Sam says, "But I wouldn't eat it if I were you. He manages to burn them and keep them raw at the same time."

"WELL THEN! No dinner for you!" Aragorn cries as he walks up behind us and throws a pot at Sam. Sam screams and hides behind Frodo letting Frodo get hit.

I watch as Aragorn stomps back to the fire and shovels rocks onto a plate and force feeds them to Boromir. He looks around frantically as Boromir starts to choke and gag.

I silently tiptoe away from the scene and find the bag I brought with me. I take out a small piece of lembas bread and eat it quickly. I take to the shelter of the trees, too afraid to sleep in the make-shift camp the others made for I may be the victim of their next act of terror and idiocy. I say a prayer to the Valar that nothing terrible happened on this trip and that I come out of this alive. I lay awake for a while longer before I doze off into a fitful sleep.

AN: Okay so here's chapter one! I really hoped you enjoyed it. Please stop by the lovely review button just below (so convenient!) and leave a review! I do accept flames and critic (and praise) but don't be TOO harsh. I love you all, until next time!

-I Love Muskrats


	2. Muffins and Frenchies

Disclaimer: I still don't own LOTR or Les Miserables for that matter. I kind of forgot to mention that in the last chapter, my mistake! Anything familiar looking does not belong to this chick. If I did find some way to get the LOTR franchise into my power and ownership I would've also found a way to bring the dead to life, use it on Tolkien, force him to write more books for the series (resulting in more movies for those who prefer not to read) and then we'd all be happy right? And if I owned Les Mis? We'd AAAAAALLLLLLL be "hanging out by the barricades". What a day that would be…

AN: sorry for the short 1st chapter and long disclaimer. But hey! Here's chapter two! Also, this chapter isn't as funny and kind of slow, just bear with this filler chapter and I promise chapter three will be better! Enjoy!

I was lying on a tree branch in-between sleep and the world of the living. I groaned as I heard the unmistakable sound of bickering between toddlers. I heaved myself off the branch and dropped down to the forest floor. I sluggishly, yet still gracefully mind you, stalked over to the sound of the voices.

When I walked through the forest edge and into the bright sunlight what I saw practically slapped me in the face. Aragorn was dressed in a muffin suit and yelling at Gimli that it was not for eating. Gimli obviously wasn't having it today and clamped his jaws onto the oversized muffin. Aragorn shrieked like a girl and started slapping Gimli in the face. What good that did him. Gimli bit his hand next.

The hobbits had each gotten their hands on one of Sam's pots or pans and were running around playing 'I-hit-you-with-a-pan-you-hit-me-back'. I mentally noted not to go near them.

Gandalf was no longer wearing a bikini but was instead wearing nothing but a loin cloth. He had a quill in his hand and was drawing all over Boromir's sleeping face. After he finished he put the feathered part up Boromir's nose and hollered like Tarzan then tackled Boromir instantly waking him up. I watched them tussle on the ground a while longer before I couldn't take it anymore and looked away.

What upset me most is when I saw the girl hobbit walk out from the trees and yawned loudly, stretching her arms in the air.

"Good morning! I had a wonderful rest what about you all?" she said enthusiastically. She looked around at her friends and moved on knowing she wouldn't get an answer.

"Heather, stop being so optimistic. This trip sucks." I stared at her.

"I almost regret telling you my name." she said in displeasure.

I gave her a funny look then walked to the middle of our camp and screamed at the top of my lungs. I thought it would get them to be quit but it did absolutely nothing. _Imbeciles _I thought. I wondered what would get them to listen then I figured it out. They were all stupid right? Stupid people liked music right?

Before I registered what I was doing I started singing an elvish lullaby. They all froze and turned to me with twinkling eyes. I began to walk down the path we were supposed to be going and they all followed. I walked and they followed until something landed on my head and blinded me. I walked straight over a cliff and tumbled down the slope until I landed in a creek. I hate water.

"You got my coat wet!" an unknown figure whined.

I pulled the make-shift blind fold off my head and noticed that it was indeed a coat. A red one. I looked up at the person who quickly snatched their coat away from me and hugged it close, soaking themself in the process.

"Enjolras?" I questioned.

"Of course! I told you I'd meet you here right?" he stated.

"Right… where's everyone else?" I asked looking around him to see if they were waiting just behind his figure. They weren't.

"I'm not entirely sure… but hey! I'm sure they're around here somewhere." He added.

Before I could say anything else, Enjolras tensed up and got down on all fours. He shushed me even though I wasn't making any noise and began sniffing the ground. He stared walking around in zigzags until he let out a growl. He started barking and leaped into a large bush.

I heard a few screams and some crying until Enjolras backed out of the bush with the muffin man in his mouth.

Enjolras started chewing on his arm and Aragorn slapped him in the face.

"Bad dog!" Aragorn scolded.

Enjolras stood up and looked genuinely frightened and very upset.

"That is _not_ a muffin!" he said, disgust showing on his features, "What kind of sick joke is this? Dressing up as food and drawing people's attention as a muffin. How dare you sir?! You should be ashamed of yourself."

I face palmed and opened my mouth to say something before a blur passes my vision and knocks Aragorn down.

This blur is biting Aragorn's muffin suit until it realizes it's a person. They get up and wipe the drool off the mouth and scoff.

"What is this?" she throws her arms up in the air. "Marius! I'm sick of your hunting games! They always end in disappointment. Why don't we just stop and ask for directions to the nearest restaurant and go and eat like civilized people for once?" she pleads.

A young man about Enjolras's age scrambles out of the brush on all fours with his chest puffed out.

"Because we are NOT civilized people. What is it with women and stopping to ask for directions? I'm a man! I know what I'm doing! If you want food so bad then make us some sandwiches would you?" the young man huffs.

"MARIUS." She growls.

"Yes sweetie. Sorry sweetie." He apologizes and stands up.

I slowly begin to back away. I honestly don't want to be responsible for _ANY _of this.

"Hey! I remember you! You're Calenith right? It's a good thing we found you 'cause we're starving!" Marius exclaims.

Everyone present turns and stares at me, waiting for my next move. Even the passerby squirrels turn their heads my way.

Oh Valar, help me now.

AN: So here's chapter two everyone! Sorry for any slowness, errors or bad writing. Please forgive me and leave a review telling me what I could do better on or what I did right! If you are into this story, follow or fav, that would make my day! Until next time.

-I Love Muskrats


	3. Rip-off

AN: Sorry for the wait! I really am, the thing is the internet services refuse to come out to where we live so I can only update when I have access to a computer AND internet. So I do now and I only have one more day of thanksgiving break. *sigh* oh well, don't kill me if the next update takes a while…

Disclaimer: LOTR still doesn't belong to me nor will it ever… sad day…..

_What did I get myself into? _

I snap my eyes between all the people staring at me as if I held all the answers. Well I guess I did have most of the answers. I know that I would be asked a few specific questions.

Who are these people and why are they here?( These are my friends from…earth…hehe)

Why did you call us to come? (I was bored and I despise these freaks!)

Where is the food?! (How should I know? I would've just told them to eat Aragorn's muffin but I guess that's not an option…)

Okay, those were the most reasonable questions and I did happen to have the answers so I can't really complain but I'm going to anyway!

"Who are these weirdoes?!" Aragorn exclaimed.

"I-I um…well you see….I don't know! Pfft! I've never seen them before in my life!" I stuttered.

"That's a lie! Come oooooon! Don't embarrass us like this" Marius whines, "I can prove I know who you are!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever" I mumble.

"Your favorite color is… GREEN!" Marius says like a game show host.

Al l of the five hobbits, two men, one wizard and one dang dwarf gasped.

"How'd he know?" Sam finally said, breaking the silence.

"Maybe it's because she's a traitor!" Gimli thought out loud. Everyone agreed with Gimli's idea and they all gave me murderous glares. Why oh why did Legolas ditch me? What could POSSIBLY be better than hanging out with these guys?! My eye twitched.

"Perhaps she doesn't like you guys, you do seem rather obnoxious given the amount of time I've known you all" Cosette sneered.

WHY DID SHE SAY THAT? After that…snippy….remark all my "friends" started arguing with each other except for Cosette and Sam who were just attacking everyone with whatever they could get their hands on which consisted mostly of pans, knives, butterflies and large chunks of muffin.

"Stop it! All of you! You idiots calm your bunions!" I yelled, "Instead of going at each other's throats lets solve this in a civilized manner."

Marius opens his mouth to speak but before he can say anything Cosette slaps him on the arm. Marius immediately snaps his mouth shut.

Someone pushes their way up through the Les Mis crowd until they can be seen by everyone. Then they clear their throat and begin to speak.

"I can solve this problem with my wise words of wisdom…" they say calmly, "but, it will cost you."

I step forward eager to just GET AWAY FROM THIS MESS.

"Whatever you want I'll pay it you little brat." I say tiredly.

Someone gasps from inside the group of people, "How dare you speak of the all-powerful Gavroche that way?!"

Gavroche puts his hands up and everyone goes silent.

"It is all right. What I request as payment is your most prized possession." He says.

"Ummm….. Yeah, sure?" I say arching my eyebrow and looking around questioningly.

"Then it is done!" He claps and we are engulfed in smoke. "My wise words to you are…..NO REFUNDS!"

I hear the sound of feet running away and several fits of giggles as the Les Mis cast rips me off.

When the smoke clears all the Frenchies are gone and all the middle-earthians are giving me the cold shoulder. I give a long exaggerated sigh and start to walk away happy to leave those creeps. The only problem is I don't know where I am…and now it's raining….and I'm pretty sure I'm being followed by a squirrel. I shudder and think about how I'm going to kill Legolas when I get back to my home in Mirkwood.

AN: well here's chapter three. I'm sorry it's so short. I'm hoping it won't take me too long to update but who knows. Anyways, please leave a review or maybe fav & follow if you liked it! Until next time,

-I Love Muskrats


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